Jitters, hang on to that glimmer of hope. I'm glad you know it is there. When I was depressed I just holed up at home too. I also did not want to have to put on a happy face. (torturous) I was perfectly happy to zone out on TV (my drug of choice). I'm sorry you have received terrible mental help. Can you try another route to find better doctors? What about online? I know PC has a list of docs who can counsel by phone etc. I got my grief therapy by phone. Please don't give up trying to find the right doctor.