My dad committed suicide not to long ago which has left me plagued with nightmares and a disgusting feeling since then. I have depression myself and before he did that I was dealing with my own craziness. I've been through so much in my short life. It's ridiculous. My whole family tells me I'm so strong because of it all. They don't know I just put on a brave face to the world and behind every smile echoes my real heartache. I have no friends because I've pushed everyone away. I feel like I don't deserve them but I'm so lonely. My parents also never let me go to friends houses or the mall or anything growing up so being alone is kind of natural. I've got so much going on still. Someone took advantage of my shy nature today and I hate myself for it. I let a complete stranger bully me and why? Sometimes I want to give up but I know I can't because there's others who depend on me. I keep telling myself it will get better but I keep getting beat down. I feel the need to care about everyone else and their needs, wants, and opinions. This always gets me taken advantage of one way or the other. I feel like I have to be nice no matter what because that's how I want to be treated. But that of course makes me weak to other people. All I do is sleep now. Getting out of be for work and school is a struggle and I dread it. I just want to hide from the world I guess I'm just ranting because today's been a horrible day and I have no one else to talk to.