Miki, i'm sorry you are going through this. I have depersonalization abd derealization disorder. I feel not real and if would around me is not real and don't recognize myself in mirror. I hear voices, but i know they are really others inside of me even.
None of them are though they feel separate. No reason for you to be embarrassed. P-docs and Ts have heard everything. I wish i
had an easy answer for you, but diagnosis i guessed at could make you feel better but might be completely wrong.