I have said those same words to myself a million times. "it wasnt that bad" "others had it way worse". It was my way of protecting myself. A way to keep myself in denial. A way of not believing that the people that were supposed to be protecting me, loving me were actually harming me.

Several years ago, triggered by a psych 101 class, the very patient teacher hammered away at me to accept the reality of my childhood and my world began to unravel. She wouldnt let me hide behind denial any longer. memories began to surface and a major breakdown ensued. I was hospitalized against my will.

Severe ptsd? suddenly the world made sense. the dissociation. the hypervigilance, the flashbacks. the anxiety, the perfectionism, the fear. but still, it didnt make sense because it wasnt that bad, others had it way worse.