I am a 3 person too Monty. I am sorry you are feeling like this right now. Are you able too journal? The screaming thing is good for relieving some of the stress. I SI too and alot of it is done during my "numbness" My therapist has told me to try my darndest too journal if you feel the urge too SI. Write down whatever...it does not have to make any sense. Sometimes I will even do it it with my eyes closed. I hope you can hang on tight to fighting the urge, but she also told me if I do SI to write down afterwards. Please be safe!
HUGS
Cher