I'm glad you took it that way. It's how I intended it, but after I posted I was afraid you'd be offended - that I was making light when you're suffering. Sometimes it helps to take our eyes off our pain for a bit and focus on something more pleasant. Then we can relax and maybe new options or insights can appear.

Oh not at all, in fact it helped me relax a little and calm down, thanks again. Sometimes diverting attention elsewhere can curb a melt down. Now if I could only deal with my mon who is judgemental, controling and most likely a narcissist!

I cut my hair really short a few hours ago and told her, she was initially fine with it and we got to talking and I said that I was going to get it cut shorter and shaped around the front edges so it would look neat and put together.

And she said that "you should never get your natural hair line cut" and I asked why and she didn't have an answer and just said "don't do it!" I asked why again and no answer!

Then I told her well I think that it will make my hair look neat I was telling her my ideas about why I should do it and she proceded to get angrier and angrier. She ended saying that I was weird and stuff but she had no intelligent reason why.

She is a nice person on the surface and in general but if me or any of my siblings do something she doesn't like which is often she flips out and gets judgemental and plays the martyr, which is often everyday several times a day.

All through out my childhood she kept drilling into my head "acting emotional is bad, don't be emotional, don't do this or that," rules rules rules. None of which she follows herself. No wonder why I'm in the current place I'm at in life and no wonder I'm so judgemental on my boyfriend. And if she knew my bf had SZ she would flip out, who knows what else and if she knew about all the emotional BS I went through with him she would call ME stupid for staying with him.

In fact she denies the existance of some mental illnesses. She just has weird ideas about life and the nariccissist part comes in because she does everything for me and my siblings and gives us money and almost unlimited assistance but if we don't do things for her and unfortunately we don't do enough she gets mad and says we are selfish, disrespectful etc. she complaints to me daily how me and my siblings are like that.

I honestly think she just does stuff for us because she wants us to adore her and we don't show it to her liking. I honestly think she felt unloved as a kid and she claims that her mom was the only one who was kind to her. Everyone else picked on her and treated her bad in her family.

Plus to make matters worse she has cut herself off from people, she doesn't have any friends besides her neighbors, she stopped going out mostly and before I went off to college a few years ago she tried everything she could to discourage me from going and in general growing up I couldn't go anywhere by myself till I was 19.

And from then till now she gets jealous when I want to go somewhere. Now that I'm hope from college dealing with and trying to beat my health issues, she has not really helped encourage me to seek medical attention, and she hasn't really helped me find a doctor in the past, she did a little to help but not much when I really needed her to do something.

Overall I think my mom has a very unhealthy, clingy way of dealing with life, she loves being in denial and playing a martyr, she is just very weird and I can see clearly how watching her and some of her teaching has affecting me in my relationship and in life. Definately I can see how she supported my shyness and never helped me find better solutions to become more social as a child.

I think she just has a lot of personal issues and she might have some psychological issues too. She has been equally bad to deal as my bf, just in a different way.

I just hope I can find a job next semester when I fly back out to college. Hopefully I won't have to come back home for long other than to get my stuff one day soon. I hate living in my miserable house, her and my dad are so miserable together and I hate being in the middle of that. I think really I get so worried about having a relationship like my parents so I get extra upset about my relationship with my bf.

If your guy is like Matthew, he sounds like a keeper.

Yes!

I was thinking about you last night while I was driving home from work. I remembered something the mother of an autistic son told me. She compared finding out your child is autistic to planning a vacation trip to Rome then finding yourself in Bali instead. You went to the travel agent and got the brochures and planned your itinerary and packed your bags based on the Rome trip. But you step off the plane somewhere entirely different. You can rage against your fate or you can enjoy your stay in Bali.

Great example! I like this. Thanks for sharing.

I realize picking a husband is different than having a child. You don't get much choice in the latter. You have to take what you get. But it sounds like you're really into this guy. So you may have to give up on Rome and find a way to enjoy Bali.