Rainbow (felt these "hugs" were appropriate to the post!)

I'll be very curious to hear how your T responds to your question about whether she knows the hug in the parking lot was the best part of your session. I think her response will be very useful.

Yes, like many of us on PC, it sounds like you are strongly craving affection. That's okay though; that's a normal desire! I think we all feel that way sometimes. The fact that the hug in the parking lot felt better than getting good results from EMDR also makes perfect sense. You aren't in therapy primarily to work on the "yucky stuff"-- you're in therapy to overcome your pattern and to learn how to have a healthy relationship with your T-- and, really, to overcome the emotions and behaviors that cause you to act our your pattern.

I think feeling good about a hug with T is wonderful. There have certainly been times when a hug from my T has made me feel better. However, I think what DOES make this part of your pattern is the fact that the best part of the session was "in the parking lot" and that "there is no parallel in RL." If a hug from T can make your day-- and a hug from your H or your best friend can also make your day-- I'd say that's great, sounds healthy, enjoy! But the fact that T's hug feels BETTER-- and you have obsessive thoughts about the hug and about T afterwards-- means that it's not just about the hug. It sounds like you're still putting T on a pedestal and are trying to get something from her that you don't otherwise have. The goal should be to work towards getting those needs met in RL-- where a hug from your H or a hug from a friend can feel just as good. I know it's NOT easy. If it were easy, Ts wouldn't be all booked up with clients! For me, there was a time, with Old T, when I would have rather had a hug from her than from anyone in my RL-- but I no longer feel that way (because I worked through it in therapy). Now, a hug from T feels good, but not as good as a hug from my best friend or the person I'm dating. But it took me a long time to feel that way-- and I didn't used to think it was possible. But it is. However, I'm by no means suggesting you shouldn't enjoy a hug from T. I think you're doing exactly the right thing by examining how you feel after a hug with T. And, if you (and your T) feel your emotions and reaction to the hug are out of proportion, then that is just something you can talk about and work on. You should never feel embarrassed or "bad" about it-- just be aware of it and work on it. I actually think you have really great instincts. You know when something feels good and when something feels TOO good. I think when it feels TOO good, it's because you know it's because it's feeding your pattern-- and you're making so much progress in therapy that you don't want to feed your pattern anymore. You're committed to moving past it, and you're even willing to give up things that don't serve that purpose (like having T respond to your e-mails). It sounds like you're on the right track and moving in the right direction! So I think you should feel proud of yourself!