Hi Yankee, I'm really sorry you had such an upsetting experience. I know that you love your cats (you wouldn't have offered them a home if you didn't) so I can only imagine how badly you must have felt.

But the point is, you didn't do it. You took meds to try to quell the voice, you told your husband about it, you fought it. The fact that you asked for help speaks volumes about you. You're open about what happened... if you were vain you would try to hide what had happened for fear of looking bad. You care about your cat more than your reputation. You have courage. Be glad of that. Don't punish yourself. It wasn't your fault.