Please continue to add new threads here to ask questions about whatever is on in your your mind. Add as many threads and posts as you feel you need to. Everyone here will read them and respond if they feel they can help in any way. As RoadRunner said, there are good people here and many of them have traveled down these same roads and they all want to help.

About a year ago I was having the same thoughts that you are. And my daughter was what I would focus on to get me through. She was just so innocent and I did not want to take that away from her.

If there is any way you can get some help from a doctor, that would be a really good start. I started out here like i think you did not knowing what to expect. Someone suggested that if I did not think I could see myself going directly to a Psychiatrist, then I should see my general physician and let him steer me in the right direction. I did just that. He prescribed me an antidepressant and had his nurse set up my appointment with a psychiatrist that they knew.

Early on my psychiatrist used to always end my session with "Can you tell me you will be safe?" and then he would say "If you can't do this for yourself, think of your daughter." Those words stuck in my head through my thoughts and actions when I would think I could not go one more day.

I would never tell you it is going to be easy but I hope you will give it a try.