I want to add that in writing the post above this, as soon as I hit "post", I felt a sense of space in my chest. I felt my stomach unclench, just a little. I took a big, deep breath. Something about this feels good to me, physically, and so probably emotionally as well.

I am trying to let go of doing "the right thing" here. I mean, in a lot of ways, my T is not worried about "doing the right thing," so why should I? She is putting her own needs before mine, which is just plain human nature. So it should be ok for me to put MY needs before hers, or before what SHE says would be better for me.

I guess powerlessness is part of it, too. I won't go in there and sit and have my fate announced to me. If she isn't willing to taper off, to space out those last sessions, at all, I will just feel all the more abandoned and rejected. The only way to make her stop rejecting me is to stop giving her the opportunity to do so. Ditto with abandonment. I have to close myself off from T. I just have to. Somehow.

I need to be done now if I'm going to survive this.