Hey, and welcome, Blamethemeds... and lots of ((((hugs))))

I'm so sorry you're going through this, so very sorry. Your post really touched me because I lost my Dad to suicide too, all the while trying to deal with my own bipolar issues. I understand completely the nightmares and feeling sure that no one can see how you're falling apart inside.

You sound like a person with high personal standards, as well. Never be sorry for those. The best people are the honourable ones in the world. Just seeing you voice it restored a little of my faith.

Are you quite young? You mentioned school, that's all. What happened with me happened quite a few years ago now, and I just want you to know you don't have to go through this alone. PM me or reply here. I'm imagining that with my experience I'll be able to help you find a little comfort.

Be kind to yourself...