Thanks for this thread! I now realize that I have not been able to put a "feeling" to why I have hated the holidays in the past 10 years.

Unlike o.kay, I grew up in a family where the holidays were wonderful and joyful times. So much changed when my grandparents were no longer able to host the holidays. While my family has tried to come up with new places and ways to celebrate, it does not "match up" with what we had grown so accustomed to...

Maybe my current feelings about holidays - especially Christmas - is actually a sign of anxiety?

I detest feeling obligated to buy gifts. What used to be a fun experience - coming across some item that I knew would bring joy and smile to a family member's face - is now one that I just want to ignore and wish would go away. There is no wonder, love and joy in finding a gift for one name now randomly drawn. Instead it has become the agonizing search for something "perfect" to give to one person. There is so much anxiety as I wait and wonder if I have found the "right" gift!

Hmm. Will continue to ponder this question and might be back to post more thoughts.