I had a crappy family of origin too. For years i had nightmares of my sister hunting me down to kill me. I say i ran away from my family when i was 21. I officially disowned them years ago. I dont feel guilty for doing it. Blood is not thicker than water when i think about the pain they have caused me. The ptsd symptoms i have experiences for decades finally subsided after i disowned them. When i have thoughts of them, i redirect them to the family i surround myself with today. I choose who i let into my life and trust now.

As for the mommy/baby intrusive thought you keep having, all i can suggest is to say a little prayer each time you have it.

Hugs to you.