Well even if it is not always in the forefront at least it is in there somewhere.

and I'm so sorry about your dad. Life can be so hard sometimes. I do hope he will get better. But whatever happens, he has given you a wonderful gift--to know that someone cared about and loved you.

as for your other situations, I reread your posts - have you ever processed your grief over your sister's passing? and the loss of your friend--it really was not your fault. You guys were just having fun...No one can see into the future. But despite all I've said, you will feel what you feel and I will respect that.