My friend noticed that I was getting distant and is worried now, so I'm trying to convince her that I am managing and now I have to convince t tomorrow, face to face.[/quote]

Nicole,

Why do you want to put a "happy face" on and lie to your therapist? You told us the truth. You are unhappy and need help. You are going off your meds at a very bad time for you... You have a lot going on and have every reason to be upset. WHY would you lie to your T and tell her you are managing? Why not be honest and tell her that you are sad and need help contacting your pdoc and need some coping skills and nurturing? I'm not trying to be ugly here...I'm trying to point out that what you are doing is not helping and is counter-intuitive to what you seem to really need. Please re-consider your plans and reach out for help to pdoc, T and friends. The holidays are just a hard time for so many of us, and I know you said your insurance is changing...but there are things that can be done. I'm just worried about you...

Gentle and supportive hugs,

Wysteria Blue