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Hunny, another wonderful wonderful soul on this site! Thank you so much for this reply! After reading all of the replies from all of you... It really gives me hope over fear. Perhaps this new feeling is a step in the healing direction. Unmedicated I have never been this aware of my surroundings or this "out" while another was out before. I've always just blacked it out unless I was on meds. On meds I would often experience things similar but I wasn't connected to my body. I was in the depersonalization phase pretty intense and out of body experiences were non stop watching myself from outside of my body. Now I am still in my body and although I can't control my body, I feel the control point getting closer and closer slowly. At least for now I am staying with my body as well, even if I'm being pushed far out while something/someone/whatever is coming out is out. At least I'm not gone completely so I'm thinking is this new phase really that bad? Or could it be a good sign?
It's difficult. I read online about those who have integrated and how they get flashbacks and their memories back when they integrate... I haven't had that at all. But I do get very very brief moments very very rarely of a blackout. Maybe just a fraction of a second every once in a while but it's the furthest I've ever gotten to recovering those memories, if that's what I want to do and I'm not so sure. But I just assumed that they would come, like they left. I would have a flashback and feel like I was there again, think I was there in a psychotic episode where I thought it was happening again and the entire event became known to me... This is what I expected from recovering memories so now it makes me wonder if these fractions I get every now and then are real or just my mind making them up to fill the void. I need a t lol!
But at least they aren't black anymore! Let me knock on wood because I do feel the blackouts try to come frequently. But I've learned the grounding skills and have really been trying so hard to make them work and they seem to be doing the job thus far!
Thanks again for the reply hunny, it's always wonderful to hear from you!
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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