Congratulations on your sobriety! I know it's tempting to revert to old behaviors when the going gets tough, but it's so much easier to maintain sobriety than recover from a relapse. Keep telling yourself how proud you are of that six month success story and that you have it in you to go the distance. I hope you've got a support group you can turn to as well.
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I’ve always been one to believe that fiends and family is more important than money, and I have little of both right now, which is REALLY hard for me to deal with.
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I'm singing the same song. I think all we can do is keep moving forward and believe things will get better before long. The editing career sounds exciting. Are you starting a new job in editing soon or did I misunderstand?
About your bipolar and schizotypal concerns, I know (believe me, I know) how difficult it is to refrain from making self-diagnoses, but that's a one-way ticket to crazy-making town. You sound like an overly analytical type, which will make you a fabulous editor; I'm sure you realize it's not conducive to rational thinking, on the other hand. Depression can manifest in psychotic and borderline psychotic symptoms, and you don't want to inadvertently railroad your pdoc into giving you a misdiagnosis. I've learned to stick to discussing symptoms and leave the labeling to the pro. Besides, it doesn't really matter what label your symptoms have, what matters is that your treatment plan is working for you.
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I will think someone has a problem with me, but then discover I'm reading between lines that aren't there, aka. seeing something that's not there
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Hypersensitivity is common with depression.
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I effin mumble instead of speak for the most part.
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I mumble, stammer, slur, and have trouble modulating the volume of my voice.
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Sometimes I get frustrated and just want to hurt/kill someone or myself. I also am a peaceful person by nature so these feelings are very conflicting.
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If you ever seriously feel like you might hurt yourself or someone else, please don't hesitate to call 911. If, on the other hand, you're feeling ragey and wanting to lash out physically but are able to control that impulse, that's not that uncommon. It *could* be something else, but depression is transmuted into anger in some people. It's certainly something you'd want to mention to your pdoc.
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I know I scare off potential friends because I'm way too intense, though I try to maintain a sense of laid-backness and laugh away my anxieties when I can. I joke more when I'm depressed . . weird.
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Not weird. Joking can be a coping mechanism. And I'm assuming you mean you have a short-temper when you say you're "way too intense". Irritability is definitely a symptom of depression.
Don't worry, you and pdoc will get it all figured out. I hope you feel better soon.