I think I'm a lesbian after a girl called me one but I've been avoiding it this whole time and passing it off as paranoia from being called one.

I bet that all along I knew this. But I didn't want to know it so I tried to believe that it was just me being paranoid. I bet I'm only scared of acceptance. I don't want to tell my parents... I feel like crying every time I think about telling them. Stupid me always thought that I was straight. I was always really shy and because of it I barely had friends. I had always hoped that There's no going back now, I guess. I guess I was a lesbian this entire time. But I still don't want to face the truth. I was happy all day because I had thought that lesbians felt the same way about girls as I had thought about boys. But later- just a few hours ago- I saw a naked girl inside a movie and I don't think I minded it. Then I started panicking and went up to take a shower. While in the shower, I started crying thinking of being a lesbian and wondering why I could just be normal like everyone else was. Why don't I even get as much as this? I hate myself enough and I always took comfort in knowing that one day I would be out of school and happily married to a man. I wanted children- but now I can't have children because I don't want my kid to grow up being confused with two moms.
I 'realized' that I must be a lesbian when a girl in my class called me one last school year after I called her one. I went up stairs to write this up in my room so parents would see it and so I wouldn't start crying about it. I don't want to be a lesbian and I feel like I could actually stab myself in the hand, whereas earlier on I wasn't thinking of harming myself in any way. I don't want to be a lesbian but now it feels like I'm stuck. I don't want to go to school tomorrow.
All lesbians are noticed as weird from birth and I have always been a weird and socially-awkward person. Homosexulaity OCD is a thing that mainly men get which means that I probably don't have it. Hell, what if I don't even have OCD?
While I was in the shower I started thinking stuff like "Maybe if I get raped or something it will be expect that I turn to towards lesbianism" then I was feeling all shocked and wondering why the hell I just thought that and that that meant I really was just in denial. I want to be normal or I don't want to exist at all. Why should I have a life that I have no will to live? I don't care if people say suicide is selfish anymore because it's more selfish that the people around you expect you to stay around... I don't want to type anymore.