this isn't the first time that I've posted something here only to come back and say I was wrong. Because right after I posted that there is nothing dbtT can do to fix this, I got this reply from a text I sent a couple hours earlier. My text first, then her's.

and I just...that is all I needed to hear. That's all I wanted. I know it has to be over, and I want it to be over. I just want and need it to end in a way that doesn't utterly unbalance me. I just really really needed to know that I have a chance, that I can figure out what I need and ask for it.

I'm thinking maybe going to every other week until Jan, then maybe go once in Jan and once in Feb and that's it. Or just end in Jan. Something like that. I'd like to set up some really clear guidelines on future contact, as well as on between session contact during this transition. She didn't tell me not to call or text her anymore, but i felt like it was implied so I tried to just let her be. But today...wow. Today was hard. Today I felt like I could not wait until Wed, could not help but reach out to her.

I just...when I read her reply (which I was terrified to look at) I smiled and I felt my whole body relax. I felt like in some way I had been given the wheel again, and realized that one of the worst things about this was the way it was presented to me when I walked in last week: I am done, we are through, period, deal with it. (paraphrasing!). So, now...I can at least contribute to the conversation. I really want to be able to focus on the good parts of my time with this T, and I think I just need a slightly more gradual ending for that to happen.