You are right that it is more selfish for the people who expect you to stick around, especially since so few of them will let you know that they are grateful to have you in their life. This isn't just the people you'd think of first - it is people who happen to see you on a regular basis as you go through your routine and they go through theirs. There are probably lots of people you'd never guess who would notice if you stopped showing up. Then there are the people who actually interact with you on a regular basis. So yes, it is selfish of them. Having you around makes the world more solid and stable for people. Personally I liked the screen name you chose and I find it interesting to read about how you are working on resolving the conflicts you are experiencing like this. I think you will get through this. First, stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Unless you are planning on jumping in bed with someone tomorrow, you have plenty of time to decide what you like - and even then, maybe you won't know for sure until you try it. You can always change your mind.

A long time ago I read something - so I can't cite my sources - about it being very unusual for a person to be 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual. Most people fall somewhere along a spectrum. Exactly 50% each, bisexual, is also unusual. If you ask someone, though, they aren't going to tell you that they are 85% heterosexual and they have a couple close friends that they might consider playing around with a little. They'll just tell you that they are straight.

Has anyone ever given you the traditional example of trying to control your thoughts? Don't think about purple elephants. Sometimes it is pink elephants. The more you try not to think about something specific, the harder it is to do. The more you think about this lesbian thing the more you are going to drive yourself batty. I'm not saying you shouldn't think about it. I'm saying maybe you can give yourself permission to stop trying so hard not to think about it.