Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys
I added a trigger icon because sometimes reading things like these triggers the feelings.***
Dx'd DID about 10 years ago... I get blackouts and always have. Not as intense as lately. Most of the time the blackouts come in phases when life gets to be too much. Only happens as long as I need it. I don't need it now but it's still happening.
I'm also seeming to possibly be developing co consciousness since sometimes I am aware of what is going on when I am not in control. But the blackouts still try to take over too... I'm thinking about letting them
I always struggle with "It is alters or is it something else?" and if I just let the blackout happen, maybe I will know. Tell my boyfriend "I'm going in, I'm not fighting it this time" and having him tell me what happens... I'm afraid... I don't have a t, no one wants to see me yet because I don't have money or insurance. I would prefer to do this with a t but I think it needs to be done. I know some will not feel comfortable telling me to do this, I'm not asking you to. Just wondering if perhaps it's something I should not do and what could possibly be effected by it?
I'm about to just give in to them for once, let them do as they wish... But I'm afraid...Aaahhh
Sorry for posting all the time, it's kinda been a crazy year for me! Thanks for any response 
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purpleflyingmonkeys..I cant tell you to give up and I cant tell you to continue fighting and trying to work towards awareness, groundedness. only treatment providers near you can tell you what to do about your mental and physical health issues.
even from the point of view of being a member here on this board I hesitate to tell you which direction to go. you have posted extensively about not knowing what the black outs are, not knowing whether you have a seizure disorder or not, and you dont have a treatment provider. so if I told you to do either one I could be telling you to do something that can do more harm than good.
only you and a qualified treatment provider can tell you what you should do about your mental and physical health problems including your having black outs.
I can how ever suggest you reread some of your past posts.
by reading your past posts I see that
when ever you have given up / thrown in the towel or what ever else you want to call it, you were either stuck and didnt know what to do or you back slid.
when you continued to work towards better mental or physical health you progressed and made amazing break throughs.
I would also like to suggest keep working towards getting in to see some mental and physical health treatment providers..
an idea what about going to your counties social services and getting the medi-cal insurance temporarily. I did some checking and since you according to your profile you live in weed california and you dont work (or did I miss your working, in a past post?) you are probably eligible for the medi-cal insurance. using the medi -cal insurance you can get in to see some treatment providers both medically and mentally.
heres a link to the mental health services covered by medi cal -
http://www.dmh.ca.gov/Services_and_Programs/default.asp
http://www.dmh.ca.gov/Services_and_P...ms/default.asp