I'm seeing a new therapist--I've seen her 3 or 4 times. This is the newest therapist I've had since joining psychcentral close to 2 years ago.
I might start posting again, like I used too.
Entering therapy a second time--is so different. I'm not coming in completley out of sight, out of mind with my situations. I'm a little more stable.

It's crazy to think about everything I've been through.
I miss my old therapist every day.

But, sometimes I feel it's necessary to break away from something...
cus' I have to come back from therapy with CHANGE... not just "relief" and "feeling good," that lasts a few days. There has to be some type of flow, some type of intentional "goal-setting." I lacked that in my old therapy. Of course, I feel there we're logical reasons that I did... some of those reasons is because my therapist lacked that part of therapy but, possibly, the bigger reason, is I had already developed this type of emotional connection with her (cus she knew all of my traumas) and I was afraid to openly communicate what I needed most of the time.

Now, in this therapy, I'm unafraid to communicate. But, I'm also less emotional because I feel my old therapist looked down on all the moments I was over-emotional/dramatic. Not to say, if I was sitting in her chair I wouldn't either. I probably would. I was definitley out of sorts back then!

Though-my therapist had a lot of positive traits--she was very encouraging. and our last session included her saying: "I know you struggled with the idea of me actually caring about you but, there are 2 sides to therapy-- a professional and a very personal side. I never stopped caring."

I think she said this with a little bit of frustration, maybe because she felt I didn't get it. I get it now... now that I'm gone.
I'm not sure where I'm at now. but, I'm having a hard time being emotional. Partly, I think this is because I don't want to repeat the negative aspects of my old therapy. But also, because I think I did do a lot of healing in therapy over trauma and thats why I can't cry about it anymore. I don't think my new therapist understands this and it seems like, just like any other therapist, she's interested in bringing the past up, because she thinks it effects me presently. I agree but, I don't think it effects me to the extent she probably thinks but, at the same time I don't want her to know I've talked a lot about my traumas because I don't want to put any type of restrictions on my new therapy, with my new therapist. Who knows? I have all of these little conflicts inside me and I hope I did the right thing by ending therapy with my old therapist. I'm already learning a lot and this therapist has more of a flow towards the end of session, she actually gives me things to do or suggestions on what I can do to make my situation better. Thats very different then my old therapist.

well--I may be on here a little more often again. I'm not sure. It's nice to check in again and I hope everyone on PC is growing and learning all the same!

Jazzy