I have these thoughts also and I share them with my T. I have been hospitalized before for this but have more coping skills now. I tell my T that I will be honest with him if I am in an unsafe mode. I don't want my loved ones to go through the pain I have by losing 4 people to suicide. That is what keeps me here in the worst of times. He knows this is important to me and he trust me to do as I have promised and I will.