eskie, thank you so much for pointing out to me all the skills I've been using. I don't think dbtT has any idea of that, but I will try to write it out and tell her if I go see her again. Just reading your post helped me a lot.

I don't think she is going to be willing to end this in a way that's easier for me, but I guess I have earned the right to have some say in how my treatment ends, and I definitely have the right to ask.

Just going back to self care, because I am so on the edge right now, I need to stabilize myself. Going to maybe increase my antidepressants, and continue avoiding alcohol.

Tomorrow my plan is to schedule a time to cry about this and then when that time's up I will be done crying for the day. I don't know if this will work, but I'm going to try, because I have GOT to find some way to continue to function before my whole world falls apart.