Thanks for the response. As for her saying and/or doing something to rectify the situation during our marriage...she did. She got us counseling twice. The first time, I went in and basically said what I thought the counselor wanted to hear. We only went about 3 times. The second time we went I was convinced that she is the one that had issues that needed to be dealt with. I went with the goal of working a deal for individual counseling for her. I was basically non-participatory. That didn't work out. After that, there were many times she tried to talk to me and I would just stare right through her. I remember actually feeling disgusted while she cried and cried, snot running from her nose, mascara streaking her face, and me again telling her that she has no reason to feel unhappy in our marriage. What an idiot I was!

What scares me is that during the past two years, whenever I would win her back by trying to convince her that I will never go back to being that guy, I would get comfortable and start thinking of any little thing about her that I didn't like. Smoking (she started again when she moved out the first time), the tattoo she got after our divorce (kids' initials in a heart with wings), the occasional facial hair, teeth not white enough, deep coughing in the morning, OMG...I feel like a jerk just listing these things! So once again I would pick apart any small thing I see. Then, when it all goes bad again, I am right back to missing her and wanting nothing more that to have my family made whole again. I now realize that all these things I look for in her aren't things that are wrong with her, but there is something wrong with me. No one is perfect, myself included. Why do I look for perfection???