First, let me say, that I am not suicidal. I don't have a plan. I really will not do it.

That being said, I wish that I could die. I want out of this hell. I want final peace. I know that I would do it, and be brave enough to go through with it. However, I cannot do it because I have kids. I do not want to traumatize them for the rest of their lives. So basically, I am alive for them, being tortured by my mind. I am willing to do this, but how? I am only in my mid-thiries. I have such a long time to suffer. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my children, but I am constantly in pain-pain that consumes me.

Not to sound cliche, but I truly wish that I was never born. I don't necessarily hate myself, but I hate my mind; I despise it. I am tortured by a serious eating disorder, and a bipolar condition.

Any advice?