I have no awareness of SI'ing but have been doing so a lot lately b/c of the stresses in my life. My H. doesn't understand dissociation and said every time you hurt yourself you've DECIDED to hurt me. I hear this as an ultimatum - either quit SI'ing or he'll leave. I'm panicking. If he goes, there will be nothing to live for so why bother trying to control it at all. If he stays, I'll be lying to him I dissociate and hurt myself.

Story of my life: damned if I do and damned if I don't.