On Saturday I was following my boyfriend to drop his car off for his sister and apparently he pulled off the road (I knew where I was going so I wasn't right behind him) to call me because his sister was going to get a ride to meet us at the house for the car. I pulled out how I normally would and stopped at the stop sign to get onto the main road. I heard a Very Loud crash and immediately thought that better of not been him and put my car in park, and flashers on. My phone was buzzing so I pulled it out and saw it was him and answered his call frantically and was like there was just a huge crash i can't get there right now I need to check on these people and I saw all of these other cars calling 911 and I was out of mine and looked at the cars in the wreck thinking are they going to blow up or catch fire, decided no or that i could run from that and ran up to the one SUV and went to start checking on people.

I tossed my phone in my pocket and made sure the 3 people were alert in the SUV with injuries that weren't threatening to their life. This other man that ran out was like you have a phone and I was like yea and i brought it over to him to call 911 to call in trauma codes, i took one look at the guy and that car and new it was either about to be administering life support or he was gone. I yelled to some other helpers to leave the people in the car at the suv and keep them calm and was trying to alert the man in the red car (i've since learned his name and other things but I didn't know them at the time). he wasn't responding and the other man helping didn't feel a pulse and blood was all over. and this other guy was an off duty rescue worker and he pulled out his stethoscope and everything and gave me this look like he is already gone, I knew it then. He asked me to go help direct traffic and I went and was yelling and motioning cars to turn around and then my boyfriend who drove up to the scene went to direct traffic and I went to check on the guy in the last car who wasn't too bad off... I helped the EMT crew get him on the stretcher and went to see if other help was needed.

I know it was recent (i'm not suggesting ptsd but figured this was where I could get the most help). I was really really really shaken up after words and told my boyfriend I didn't want to drive the rest of the day and that I just wanted to cry (which I did a lot and still am). I texted my therapist later that night about it all and he called me the next morning and I see him tomorrow. But well my main problem is I can't get rid of the mental picture in my head, I can't erase what I saw, I can't make it go away. I drive and think how that man looked in his driver seat and I just want to cry. I'm avoiding that section of the road. I don't like driving but I have to... the only thing that helps is distraction with work basically and i'm just not capable of focusing anywhere. any suggestions to one help me close my eyes and not see everything or to help me not think about it? talking and not talking about it hasn't yet seemed to help me.