I know it feels like you can't stop thinking about this, but you may have to try. If you can only distract yourself for a short while by watching a funny movie or reading a book, it will get you some relief from the pain and confusion you're experiencing now. I know that's easy to say and hard to do, but continuing to ruminate on this is like pouring gasoline on a bonfire. It'll build the fear and anxiety. And your brain reacts to fearful thoughts the same way it reacts to actual fearful events.

You don't have to wait two weeks to talk to her, you know. You can call and leave a message or send an email. If you're afraid you'll ramble, plan ahead what you're going to say. Just keep it short and to the point. Maybe say you're sorry you were so on edge during your last visit, it's been bothering you, and you've been ruminating about it. If you're worried that you've damaged your relationship with her, say that too. Plan what you'll say, keep it short, and take some calming breaths before you call.

Newtus, you sound really isolated to me. I know you're finding interaction with other people painful, but you need a wider support system. Why are you seeing your therapist only every other week? Is there any way you can see her more often? It seems like you need to see her at least once a week. Possible more often.