Thank you, Sabrina. My bf does some things that cause me more stress, but I don't tell him a lot of it, because he tries (usually), and also because he has a personality that intimidates me. When I frustrate, upset or anger him (or, rather, when anything frustrates, upsets or angers him), he gives me an exasperated sigh, shouts an abrupt curse word, and/or groans, and my dad used to do this sort of thing, so maybe that's how I ended up with my bf (even though I wasn't consciously looking for my dad), and it makes me cringe inwardly.

Recently, my bf asked about a situation, and when I said it would be the same as another, he thought that meant it wouldn't be as bad as he thought it would for me, but he doesn't get that, inside, I am doing far worse than I depict outside. A lot of people think I'm "ok" because I don't always shake, cry, rock, or act "mental" when I'm going through stuff. Part of it is because I know I have to deal with the situation, and as much as I'm struggling inside, I've learned that releasing all that upset just delays getting what needs to be done, done, so I can get to where I can relax again, and I've seen how people look at me and judge me when they see what's inside, so I don't show it nearly as much as what's going on inside.

When my brother attempted suicide years ago, I sat on the couch pretty still, and later, my uncle didn't believe I was going through anxiety when they brought my brother downstairs to go to the hospital, because he said I was "cool as a cucumber."