So I saw T last friday and pdoc yesterday. Pdoc was an appointment to discuss the depression that had befallen me again. In the conversation he acknowledged that I had come a long way from where I was when he first met me when I was in the hospital in July. The wierd thing is internally I do not truly resonate with that. However intellectually it is very obvious. They both tell me how hard I have worked and how far I have come. Why is it that they and everyone else for that matter seem to see it but I cant truly believe it? Maybe I struggle with the word progress and switch it unknowingly for perfection?...I dont know. Is my progress toward wellness fake because I am on meds? Is this really me if I have to take meds to acjieve it? I dont kmow where all this is coming from really but its obviously in there somewhere. Just thinking out loud...

Some thoughts please...