This is going on at least a few weeks and I wish it would just stop. I just started a higher dosage of Tegretol, so we'll see how I feel but I am just not getting instant relief and I wish I could. The sedation was at least helping but I am not getting that side effect much anymore. I am just sick of how I feel. I am JUST admitting to myself that I have bipolar, after my diagnosis that was 4 years ago. And realizing I am manic, and noticing exactly how it feels and that it won't just go away, is horrible. I just want to feel normal. I don't want to have bipolar disorder. Everyone else in my family has depression and can just take and antidepressant and bam - they feel better. I wouldn't dare take an antidepressant unless I want to starve, never sleep, and feel high all the time. I really just want to feel relief. I want to come "down" and get my moods under control. Not only am I trying to come to terms with my disorder but I am doubting my relationship more and more every day. I don't know if I am REALLY doubting it or if I am just so out of it that I don't know what I want anymore. Other than wanting to feel normal....