I've been thinking about leaving him since the second month of our relationship. I was too in love with him then to follow through with it and i was too in love with him up until last May when he broke my heart. Now I'm still with him out of guilt. It's ironic. The second I stop wanting him, he professes his love, follows me to another country and chooses to go to the same law school im going to even though he had better options. And he's made genuine efforts to change a lot of the things that he did wrong in the past - he was very emotionally abusive. But he's actually changed, in some significant ways. For a while we were having sex more frequently than usual, but it was always when he wanted it, not when i wanted it. But ever since exam season started, he's been very stressed and his low sex drive goes even lower. Although i dont even think its just the low sex drive. He just doesnt want to waste time he could be studying, having sex with me. Although it's not like we have ever had sex longer than 20 mins if it even comes close to that. I don't want him anymore. (To be completely honest, I'm even in love with another man, except that's another complicated issue since we dont live in the same country and probably have no future. ) But I've tried to put the effort in to fall in love with him again, but i can't get over the past and this sex thing exacerbates everything, because even if i somehow were able to fall in love with him again, he could never give me what i need.
I'm just waiting and trying to figure out how to break up with him.. the guilt is so heavy on my shoulders. I almost resent him for that too.