well I have a few things to address this is a long post/rant a bit:



I'm extremely frustrated with everything right now, I recently started going to an support group and honestly I don't know what to think of it. For one let me start from the beginning from where all this has started. I've basically tricked, decieved, and lied to everyone. Everyone thought I was better "recovered" and I managed to lead them to believe so until recently as I have posted in my previous post awhile back everyone was concerned especially my family because I'm a 22 year old college student away from home and family and my close loving friends that I have. When I started out with this I was Ana from 12 to 15 then I got hospitalized and learned a different way of things and now I flip between being anorexic and bulimic but I am currently bulimic. Heres the problem that I am having my mother pays for my schooling and she wanted me to withdrawal from school on a medical bases and start classes in the spring to go into an inpatient facility and I was like HELL NO period so we agreed to the support group and I was completely against that too. She basically is threatening and saying that if I don't show some improvement or something rather close then she'll cut me from paying my schooling and everything else. This hurts because I know she's trying to understand and back then when I first started out she tried then to, I can't please her I am trying it gunna take than just a threat to overcome this.

What if I can't do this, what if i lose everything and become a failure as I already am I am such a disappoint to my family I get excellent grades and excel at school I've always been a perfectionist in that aspect of my life. She feels as if she is wasting money on me because I'm "killing myself" I know this we all do, but words can't explain how hard this is for me "us"

Now about my support group that I so desperately hate yes HATE!!
These girls well women are mean and I am not exaggerating literally the first day there one lady was like "you don't look sick enough to be here, you look perfect to me" and basically demanded that I shouldn't be there and honestly I half-heartedly agreed with her I don't look anorexic anymore I am fairly small and slightly underweight for my height but I am like hospital sick anymore and don't plan to be like that ever again I pray (horrible experience) but anyways these women are like in there 40s and they are so catty and they talk about other people on break, like one women is overweight and they laugh at her and have a name for her besides her name I can't take it. I've told my mother and she says your not there for them your there for you but how can I try and help myself if everything about this particular group is so toxic and yes there is another one I could go to but its like an hour away and I am not driving that far when this one is like 20 minutes from my school it's perfect well distance wise.

I don't know what I am looking for advice maybe or just to vent about my frustration I feel like throwing everything away and saying F*** it you win mom, world, eating disorder
I don't want to do any of it anymore and to be home for break during Thanksgiving this puts the icing on the cake.

Happy Holiday PC fam