I see. Well, to me a persona is a mask or personality you put on in given situations. It makes sense to me that someone as young as you are would be trying on different "personas" to see what works best for you and to learn something about yourself. I don't think you need to have a psychiatric dx for that.

I know something about anger, because I took an angry approach in most of my close relationships for many, many years. Specifically I was a yeller. Like you, I hated it. I felt ashamed and out of control. Like you, I didn't feel like I "chose" to be angry. I just had lots and lots of reasons to be angry. So I spent years thinking about anger and looking into the nature of my own anger. I can honestly say I have that behavior under control now. (And it was the behavior - the yelling - that was the problem, not the emotion, btw.) In retrospect I did choose that ineffective way of expressing my anger (and all the other "weaker" emotions like fear that I was covering with anger). I didn't consciously choose it. I learned it from my mom who was also a yeller. And, despite the high cost in damaged relationships and lowered self-esteem, I continued using it, because frankly it works in the short-term. People tend to give in if you turn red in the face and start screaming. That's very reinforcing.

There's a lot to like too. You may be missing some of the good stuff by focusing on the bad.

Maybe your view point is only your opinion? It actually might give you some relief to try and see things from the other guy's point of view.

You may have noticed I'm pretty opinionated myself. I tend to strongly believe that I'm always right too. I force myself to try and understand the viewpoint of people who disagree with me. And I try to go deeper than some superficial explanation.

I think trying to see things from someone else's point of view might help you in several ways. For one thing, it might help you build some empathy for other people, and that will make it easier for you to interact with others and make some friends. Also, it might help you to take the focus off yourself. You seem to be intensely and negatively self-conscious. It's really uncomfortable to be around other people when you feel like you're being constantly scrutinized, judged, and found wanting. It's an old trick that shy people have been advised to use for years (at least until we decided that shyness was a disease requiring pharmacological intervention!) - stop thinking about yourself and focus on the other person. It helps relieve the painful self-consciousness, and it has the added bonus of making the other person like you a lot more. People enjoy it when another person shows genuine interest in them!

Yep. There's lots to complain about. You remind me of the skipper in a poem I liked to read when I was young:

"I hates to think of dyin'," says the skipper to the mate;
"Starvation, shipwrecks, heart disease I loathes to contemplate.
I hates to think of vanities and all the crimes they lead to,"
Then says the mate,
With looks sedate,
"Ye doesn't reely need to."

"It fills me breast with sorrer," says the skipper with a sigh,
"To conjer up the happy days what careless has slipped by;
I hates to contemplate the day I ups and left me Mary."
Then says the mate,
"Why contemplate,
If it ain't necessary?"

Read the rest here: http://irvingcrowley.com/poets.htm#skipper

The point is that you don't have to focus on all the crap. Going on with your life and finding some happiness inspite of the crap doesn't mean you agree or approve. It just means that the odds of your altering the entire universe to suit your own preferences are very low. Is that really what you want to throw your one life away on?

Yeah, I hate that one too. I always want to say, "My folks came here from Ireland in the 1860's. When did you get here? Why should I be the one to leave?" The point is that no one has to leave if we can all grow up a little.

In fact, I've come to believe that learning to get along with and live alongside people who irritate us is the whole point. The people who challenge us the most are the ones we need to be around the most. They make us grow. We should be grateful for them.

Life isn't meant to be easy. It isn't one long love-fest. It's messy and painful and challenging.

Good luck! My advice, if you want to change the world, start by focusing on changing yourself.

Yeah, I feel discouraged by the way the world is going right now too. I doubt that self-destructing will help much though. On the contrary, I think it behooves each of us to work even harder on developing our own qualities of compassion, kindness, etc. That's the only hope for humanity.

P.S. You called yourself a misanthrope, but you actually seem like a sensitive and caring person who sees there's something wrong in the world and wants to change things for the better. Don't let that generous impulse degenerate into hate and anger. That will hurt you and help no one.

P.P.S. Try to give yourself some relief from the pain by focusing on beautiful or joyful thoughts occasionally. At least once a day.