MsBunny - lets take some deep breaths. First of all if you really do wish you would die, then you need to get some help as soon as possible.
I think I may have said this to you in one of your posts. Yes women with OCD can also get this intrusive thought about being gay too and I truly think this is what's happening with you. I've only experienced this with men asking this question in the Q&A section.

I feel you're over thinking and now over generalizing homosexuality. Its sounds like you almost fear it and are homophobic, but not with the intention of hurting the gay members here I hope. Intrusive thoughts always involve what's 'taboo' for us - such as incest, killing someone when we never would normally hurt anyone or being gay IF that person doesn't feel comfortable with that orientation. You need to get some help since these barging thoughts are affecting your life. Lets find a solution for this and not think too far ahead to catastrophic thinking.