(((hugs))) what a brave and strong person you are.
when i started to let go of my past abused i leaned on my faith to understand the meaning of forgiveness.
forgiveness to me means, to forgive the past, stop blaming myself, and understand i can't change my past.
the nightmares, and pity party went away.
second thing i did was get everything off my chest. i had a long talk with some family members. the betrayal, anger, resentment, and loneliness went away.
i am still a work in progress, i am working on my self esteem.
i pray that your future holds peace, joy, forgiveness, and FREEDOM.