The way you've self-sabotaged, it seems as if you don't think you deserve to have what you work so hard to get. I haven't the ghost of an idea why. Lee's idea of therapy seems a good one to me. Unpeel the onion & all that ...

If you do some hard work now, you'll be clearing the way for whatever your next relationship is--your ex-wife, or some fantastic new love.

Roadrunner