You have my prayers too, Anika. Have you met your guardian angels yet? Mine work a lot of overtime. I truly believe everyone has them available but most ignore them. What a waste.

I also believe that really wanting to believe results in belief. Maybe it's the same as "Fake it till you make it." Whatever works.

I hear you when you say you're scared that you won't always be able to put the pieces together. I worry about that too. I don't even know what to pray for where that's concerned--except that somehow there will be an answer.

One thing I know absolutely: Coming to faith is less difficult when one can stay in the present. Somehow god doesn't seem to exist in quite the same way in the past or future. In the present, god IS.

Roadrunner