That old recording is trying hard to get back into my head-- the one that says " You're a failure -- just all around good for nothing -- capital L -- loser. " (that recording can be very self-deprecating)

I'm feeling as though I haven't mastered the tricycle yet and my T. is expecting me to hop on a ten-speed and go mountain biking!! When ever he "pushes" me I feel terrified-- but he's never pushed this much before!!!

I also don't want him saying it's me being "resistant" again. It feels like an insult to me when he has said that before-- should it feel like an insult?? would anyone else be insulted if they were told that??
Is it my OCD about striving to be the best at EVERYTHING I do--- that makes that resistant comment get under my skin?? (resistant=not completing task=failure)

I can't take this HUGE step he's wanting me to take!!! I'm so scared! I feel I don't have the skills or confidence that I should have to be where he is wanting me to be!!!! I'll be a failure once again if I can't do this!! What happened to "baby steps"?

Oh.... why did I EVER go back to therapy??? --- ---

mandy