My hubby seems to have undergone a personality change, wh/ I thought wasn't really possible.

I am not sure how to really explain what has transpired. We have been married 20 years. This is a second marriage. The last nine or so years, I have seen a continuing change in my husband's way of dealing with the world, interacting with me . . . and it is baffling.

I don't know how to define what has changed, but will try. The man I married was patient, kind, very positive and upbeat, had a great sense of humor, was very straightforward and honest. Now, I ask a question and he is very vague about giving an answer . . . he hides information . . . he has a trigger temper and goes into what I would best describe as "tantrums." In conversation, he regularly blame shifts, finger points, and although he doesn't actually tell a lie, he will leave out information and details - and he does so very purposely.

It is all very strange. We have all had nothing but respect for this man - he has worked hard in his career, rose to the top, but then suddenly seemed to lose grip, lost his job . . . at the same time his personality seemed to change. My family and I can pinpoint the time the changes started, as we were all quite taken back at the suddenness of the differences. This began to be noticed about 9 years ago.

At the time, we were concerned he had experienced a mini-stroke or heart attack - something that possibly affected his brain in some way. However, he had no health issues at that time . . . three years ago, he had a cardiac episode and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. So many folks who have noticed changes in his behavior have suggested it must have something to do with medications, but the changes began before he started medication. He was never on any type of medication at all for any disease prior to 3 years ago.

He is 66 years old. The changes seem to be continuing. His temper is getting worse - gets upset w/o little or any outside provocation. He is extremely critical and disparaging, moreso to me than anyone else. He does passive aggressive things that just seem mean-spirited - it comes across like a naughty child trying to get revenge - but for what??? He seems to aim his anger towards me most of the time, but sometimes takes it out on random folks he encounters and sometimes has outbursts in front of our adult children.

I haven't explained all this very well . . . I don't know what to try to describe - it is all very subtle and maddening! Let's just say - my family and I often feel this is a person we don't even know . . . and I, myself, feel a profound sense of loss - as this man does not even remind me of the person I married most of the time. I stay very puzzled b/c we simply do not interact at all as we used to. I don't feel I even know who he is any longer. It is as though I woke up one day and this "other person" had taken over his body.

My stepkids and my own son are as puzzled as I am. Sometimes, we see glimpses of the man we all knew . . . or thought we knew! None of us can believe a person would suddenly change this much in his mid-50s. It just doesn't make sense.

He refuses to even discuss consulting a mental health professional. He is a highly educated man (doctorate) . . . his ex-wife is paranoid schizophrenic, he went through about 15 years of off and on psychiatrists visits in conjunction w/ his wife's therapy . . . and says his days of sitting in a therapist's office are over.

I feel as though I have lost my husband and instead am now living in a perplexing situation that I don't understand. It feels like I am grieving a loss, yet dealing w/ a reality I don't comprehend.

Can a person suddenly change this much?