Hey, Daisy. I didn't keep any of my friends from high school or college. Always just moved on, thinking no one would want to keep up with me, which is probably true. Or was. I left grad school an alcoholic, finally had to give that up.
Well, I could have just died, but I guess I wasn't ready. Can't imagine why not. Lousy, empty life.
Finally got dx'd bipolar, got some drugs that really helped, got some really good therapy. I'm 65 now. Still struggle but I'm still alive. Lots of life I actually enjoy.
I'm telling you this because I don't want you to give up. I don't think you're so far from finding your own path to healing. How about your brother or your mom ... sure they wouldn't hear you? We've got to find you a place to start.