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I’m completely confused about the intentions of the man I’m dating. He is 51 and I’m 46. We are both divorced and have been dating for almost 4 years. We got along very well, love each other, and love doing almost everything together. I have never kept it a secret that my intentions are to get married again. I really loved being married but just did not make a wise choice in who I married the first time. We have had discussions about our future together and getting married but I’m not sure he is going to ever get there.
Two of the many discussions we have had on this topic ended badly. The first one was about 2 ½ years ago. I admit that I did not handle it well and said some things that I should not have said. I tried to apologize but he would not return my calls. We split up for about 6 months and one day out of the blue, he called me. We talked and both apologized. He even went so far as to say that the things I said he deserved and we got back together. The next discussion that ended badly was about 9 months ago. I told him that I understood why he was afraid to get married again (his wife cheated on him) but that it was not my fault and that I felt like I was paying for her indiscretion. I told him that I was going to begin dating other people. He was not happy about it but said he understood my position. A couple of weeks later I went on a date and I told him. We live in a small town and I figured it was better that he hear it from me instead of someone else. Needless to say it did not go well and he told me to leave. He called me two days later, crying and told me that “he loved me and couldn’t imagine his life without me.” He also said, “He didn’t want me dating other men,” but I needed to be patient. The other discussions we have had have been general discussion where I am always included when he talks about the future.
Well here we are, almost 9 months later and nothing has changed in our relationship status. There has been a change in my life which makes me feel like a girlfriend with the plague. I lost my job 6 months ago and now I feel financially unstable and I have no medical insurance. I am working a part time job and collecting partial unemployment. I have not asked him for any financial help although he has offered. We both own our own homes, although he has owned his for almost 2 ½ years and still has not officially moved in, so we spend almost all of our time at my house. He doesn’t want to live together saying, “it is too easy to get out of,” but we are practically doing it anyway.
Looking at his commitment issue with me, the fact that he dated and lived with his ex-wife for 6 years, and how long he has dragged his feet moving into his house I feel like I’m wasting my time waiting for a commitment that is never going to happen. Is he afraid of commitment? Am I a girlfriend with the plague who through no fault of my own has delayed a proposal until he feels I’m more secure? Doesn’t this count as part of for better or worse if we are truly in a serious relationship? Am I being irrational in wanting to get married? I am so confused and feel like I’m wasting my time with someone who is never going to commit.
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