I don't know where to begin or how to sort out all of the thoughts I want to express, but I will try to make sense.

This is my first post and it seems that I am in quite an identity crisis. About two months ago, my associate and I (both graphic designers) were laid off from our jobs. I hated the job anyway, as a matter of fact, I hate my whole career; it has been a complete waste of time and unhappy. In my time I have worked for some of the greediest SOBs you can imagine; I have been stolen from, berated, underpaid, insulted, etc. By nature I am an Artistic person and have always wanted to be an entrepreneur working only for myself producing Art pieces.

My mental state: I have inherited depression from one side of my family where it is rampant, I also have severe problems focusing on anything and some obvious OCDs. I often describe my mind as a bee hive...it never stops buzzing and the thoughts all just fly around in a disorderly fashion. On top of all this, I have a crippling lack of belief in my abilities.

What now?? I see very clearly some creative avenues that I would like to explore to see if I can make my living self-employed at them but pair my untamed thoughts with the worries of living (and paying a mortgage) on unemployment benefits, and I continually just shut down for fear and not knowing what to do next. I can pursue my creative ideas toward self-employment but what if I spend the time and money on them and they don't work? I keep a constant knot in my stomach for stress and fear; I cannot see myself going back to what I was doing and do not know what to do next. What the hell do I think now?? What am I to do?

These days if anything is expected of my I get nearly paralyzed...I hate expectations because I am sure I can't meet them. Unemployment benefits don't last forever, my estimated disability benefits are too meager to live off of (even if I did qualify) and I am a mental shambles, pretty sure that I am not suitable to re-enter the workforce right now.

I do not know what to do. Anyone in or been in this situation??