Indeed it does sound like he is afraid of marriage. Will he ever be ready to marry is an unknown. It seems quite a shame because it sounds as though you two have a relatively good relationship except for a couple of bumps in the road. As you say, it is not your fault he had bad experiences but now you are faced with indecision because of those prior experiences.

In my personal life I think it is highly improbable that I will ever marry or live together with a man again. I've been looking at some dating sites and a couple of people looked interesting. So many people want 'true love happily ever after'. I'm jaded and don't trust anymore. So I stay at home with the company of my cats rather than meet people who need someone more than want someone. One guy professed love to me after just weeks and I told him he didn't even know me; I blocked his phone number after 3 months.

What does being married mean to you that you are not getting in your relationship as it is now? If you absolutely want to marry then you probably should give him an ultimatum.

I keep typing and deleting and I just can't seem to find the words.

I guess you need to decide if you value marriage itself more than your present status and if he isn't going to marry then move on down the road and look for someone with better husband potential.