Your mom sounds very dysfunctional and her bad choices led to unhealthy treatment by her men.

I can see why you find your grandfather's behavior particularly upsetting because family is supposed to care for you. But how could you trust him when he was so inappropriate by his sexual references when you were a child? And touching you when you were 14 is sexual abuse even though he played it off as "testing you".

All of what happened has to have some effect on you. I was a victim of childhood sexual assault too and I buried it for years but finally I am angry. I can't tell you how you should deal with your feelings because I struggle myself.

Just know that your feelings are validated and what happened to you was wrong by so many people in so many ways.