I actually posted this in another forum, because I need all the advice I can get. So I'm just going to copy and paste a more in depth answer as to what I am going through that I posted on that other website maybe it will give you some ideas. And thanks so much for responding. My transference is mostly erotic as of right now btw.

I have been in therapy several times before, and have only had transference one other time. This transference was highly obsessive from the beginning, he was fat and balding (so a lot of shame came with it b/c there is NO chance I would feel attraction to him in the non-fantasy world and he was late 30s early 40s I was only 16. In contrast, to feeling transference with the current therapist who is actually attractive and my age), and I have great reason to believe he was crossing boundaries and experiencing counter transference (talking about mostly himself, trying to impress me, telling me I am beautiful or stunning, highly intelligent, and when I left abruptly he panicked and would call my home and my parents threatening to have me admitted b/c this was about 5 months after a suicide attempt in another state).

This is a lot different. Because our work has been so positive for me, it is almost freeing. I also don't have feelings of falling in love with him. My feelings are: we would make great friends outside of therapy, and that he has just the right personality type I like for that. Not too sensitive, can be stern when needed, but still genuinely a caring and loving person. It's like I have two very different types of transference for him. One: is the friendship fantasy I previously mentioned.. and the other: is highly erotic and sexual. Being in love isn't one of the options it's either friends or being someone he highly desires and cannot resist is the other.

The first fantasy I had of him he was performing cunnilingus on me in his office at his initiation. After then accumulating several branches of this fantasy of him, the fantasy then switched and became him just holding me and nurturing me in bed. Nothing sexual just really accepting me. That feeling of him just completely accepting me as a person I cannot describe the intensity and love feelings that come with that fantasy. It was truly beautiful. My reasoning for not bringing it into therapy even though, intuitively, I surmise those two conflicting fantasies about him reveal much, some of which I don't understand, I would obviously need help understanding them, anyway, my reasoning is because 1. I have a problem with all past relationships being high energy on my end and little reciprocation from the other. Part of the reason I am in therapy is to eradicate the damage from the last relationship dynamic I had, in other words, I cannot bear another rejection after just recently pulling myself from the depths of hell grievance of an ex. 2. I don't want it in any way to affect the progress that has been made 3. I feel like materializing my feelings for him will cause the feelings to grow more intense... my secret need for him to admit he feels the same or is attracted to me. Because even though I recognize he cannot do that, and I cannot expect that, my normal pattern is to want that validation and reciprocation of feelings. I will constantly be guessing and wondering what he "REALLY" felt when I told him the news.. lol or if he is experiencing counter transference or attracted to me and bla bla bla all that icky obsessive stuff. And I know myself well enough that I will wonder. Right now I do to a degree, but if I verbalize my feelings (and my trust issues coming into play) whatever response he gives me I am going to question erratically and annoyingly.

3: our dynamic is of excellent quality right now, and I in now way want to compromise that. I highly respect his professionalism and his insight. I feel it is somewhat degrading and insulting to deter from the great help he can give me by bringing up something superficial like sex (which is a great problem of mine to begin with) and I have an inkling he will feel the same.. and in my recognition of this truth that I also feel and understand as a valid response.. I will still be greatly hurt because I do still want him to at least be experiencing loving feelings towards me.. as it certainly seems so.. but who knows? With transference things are not always quite what they seem. It just seems insulting to the work to possibly compromise it with such a confession.

4. I don't want him to be uncomfortable by me.. or thinking I am obsessing or stalking. or made uncomfortable by me and refer me to another doctor due to whatever ethics he has, as I have no clue what is training is on the subject. I don't want to risk losing him when he is the first therapist that has facilitated change in me. It is so hard to find someone who can inspire you in that way to really change, and convince you that you can do it... until things start materializing and you're like "HOLY S***!! This is working!!" In fact I have never experienced this with ANY therapist. Its important this relationship does not dissolve for the time being.

Any thoughts? And any signs of transference you or anyone else can infer a therapist might pick up on? sorry for the lengthy texts, but hey!! I used to never divulge so this is another huge step in therapy for me!