of course i feel that way, that's what makes happiness so hard to swallow, its just not as raw or familiar as sadness. I believe in chemical imbalances, but i don't believe I have one. Sometimes sadness brings me peace in its authenticity. It is a relief to face my sadness and it feels even more rewarding when that sadness is accompanied with a feeling of acceptance. You are very insightful and I agree that misery can be rewarding in the same way happiness can be destructive.