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Thanks for your comments! It is nice to get the perspective from people that don’t know either of us personally.
What does being married mean to me? What a great question! At this point in my life I feel that it is not about wanting to have children. I already have 2 grown children, so there isn’t a biological time clock ticking. To me at this point in my life it means companionship and going through the rest of my life with someone I love and care about. I would like to have someone there to share my life with, the good times and the bad, to be with when I get home and to share my day with, someone to share just the small moments in life with, just knowing someone is there, someone to grow old with, someone to take care of and someone to take care of me as well. These are the things that I really did enjoy about being married. As I said before I really liked marriage, I just picked the wrong man to marry. I was young and married for the wrong reasons.
Also, to be honest, it would be nice to share the financial responsibilities with someone you care about. I don’t want it to sound like I’m out for someone to take care of me financially because that is not the case. As I said I do own my own home and although my employment situation isn’t ideal right now, I’m sure it will improve. I didn’t go to college until late in life and graduated when I was 40 so I’m not a quitter. Also I could be sitting home right now just collecting unemployment but I took a part time job because I like to work and was going crazy sitting at home. Also while I’m not financially set for retirement (not many people are anymore) I do have a nice amount in retirement (far more than him) so he knows that it not an issue.
I have two very good friends that are both a few years older that me that say they don’t want to marry again. But when I talk to them about it they tell me how lonely they are and that they wish they were in a relationship with someone. I know that I don’t enjoy being alone. I have been separated and divorced for 9 years. I did not date for the first 3 years. To be honest, I really enjoy male companionship and I like the idea of being in a monogamous relationship. I really wouldn’t mind living together but he doesn’t want that. As I said earlier he feels “that it is too easy to get out of,” his theory is that it makes it easy to cut and run instead of working on making the relationship work. I do agree with that in some ways but I also don’t think there is anything wrong with living together for a while before marriage. Who knows, we both might come to the realization that it is not going to work out. But at this point in our relationship I really don’t think that would be the case.
I agree with lad007 that at this point I believe we know each other as well as we are going to. I’m really leaning towards the ultimatum and GENTLY having this discussion with him. I feel that I do deserve a yes or no answer and he should not be stringing me along.
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