Sigh.

I was feeling so good these last couple of days, and this morning I woke up and realized that there really is not much good to look at.

My power is a couple of days away from getting disconnected, so is my internet so if I lose you all, thats why.

And I know with as isolated as I have been if I lose my connection to PC and everything else.. it will end up being just me sitting staring at the walls for days, which wont be any darn more good for me.

Im still waiting for Employment Insurance payment. Five weeks now as both my last two jobs are screwing me around in regards to the record of employment. you know I have been off work for almost HALF the time allotted (12 weeks) and they are still calling me asking me why I am not at work. I have called them now eleven times, six of those times to our human resources department asking for a record of employment and yet they keep calling, and I keep telling them I cant work. So employment insurance which is supposed to pay you within thirty days, which was yesterday, is telling me it can be ten days for them to make a desicion.
with the work:
At first they told me they couldnt do a leave of abscence which I later found out was illegal. THEN a few weeks ago after them calling me to find out where I was that day, they said they COULD do a leave of abscence (this was around two thirty in the afternoon) BUT only if I could get there by 430 THAT DAY!!! TWO HOURS LATER!! to sign the papers.

I got really really mad, how am I supposed to be able to get there in two hours notice if I wasnt able to get to work because I am in the throws of a nervous breakdown.

Comeon, seriously..

SO I just left it at that, now they are still calling me and every time they call its like a slap in the face that I cant work.

A couple of weeks ago I ended up in the emergency room because I just broke down and I scratched/cut myself and I just couldnt take it anymore. I saw a really nice lady pdoc who said she would urgent refer me to a psychaiatrist, and that it should be a week or so. Well, I havent heard back, so I called today, and they have no record of her referring me. I know they did because my boyfriend was RIGHT THERE when they did.

So, thats all good and fine, my ref doc re referred me as well about three weeks ago. Well, they have no record of that either.

SO now they are telling me I need to be re referred and that it is going to be a three to six month wait!!!! for me to see a SOCIAL WORKER before seeing a psych.

Today I am going to eat the last groceries I have. Luckily I have to take my documents down to social assistance tomorrow, so they are going to give me a bus ticket to get back here that way I can go to the food bank.

Im feeling like im being lost in the cracks, you know? Like maybe I SHOULD go in the hospital just so that I can get some damned help here.

Not to mention recently being diagnosed as bipolar on top of DID, PTSD and Panic Disorder.

Guh.

I seriously am feeling like just laying down and not moving for the next month. I feel like im slipping farther away, and losing my grip on things.

I know this is a really negative rant, but Im just so frustrated with everything.

I hate money! hate hate hate it.

And I feel like im being jerked around, Ive spent the last five weeks STRESSING MORE because of all this than recovering.

I am whining I know, but I am just at my wits end with how difficult this is becoming.